I crossed the line yesterday; the imaginary line of no return. Before I left Amarillo Texas, I believed if I wanted to return to Napa, I still could. But after yesterday I felt I had traveled too far to go back. I am not sure why the line was where it was, it was very tangible to me. It has been difficult to move forward emotionally even while my physical body moved onward. I am having more trouble keeping thoughts of Mike and our life together out of my mind. There are too many triggers. I think it is the boredom. I have been visiting fewer frame shops and putting in more miles on the road which leaves too much time to think. For hours on end my brain is busy thinking of things to write about in this blog or remembering good times with Mike. I have been trying to focus on the end of this journey when I am reunited with my family and friends. I feel bad because I can’t do that. I don’t want them to think I don’t want to be with them because all I can do is think about how much I want to go back to California. Why is it so difficult sometimes to only see the negative? Negativity is one of the reasons my relationship with Mike didn’t work out. It was too easy for him to see the negative even when the positive was more attractive and standing in front of him.
Something has happened to the freedom I was feeling. It seems to dwindle along with my bank account. Money equals freedom. Of course, some would argue just the opposite. But it is money that is getting me across the country. The pressure to get to New Hampshire quickly is gripping me. I need to have money in my pocket when I arrive. After all, I still have bills to pay. And no job.
Although, I may stay in the Richmond, Virginia area for a while to see if there are any job opportunities. This will also give me a chance to meet more Grumblers. The past week has been a bit lonely as my car and the road have been my company. I did stop to see one Grumbler, though, HannaFate in Albuquerque. As it turned out, Hanna is a very nice lady. I wasn’t sure what to expect as she forewarned me she was “weirder than advertised”. I knew her art work was unusual, but that did not say much. So some of her artwork is not the kind to be sold at the local farmers market, but it is cool nonetheless! I got to take a couple of Hanna’s buttons that she makes to sell at events. I already have a spot picked out for one of the buttons, and the other is going to a friend in Napa….. She will appreciate the Bush bash. Check out Hanna’s website here.
Thanks again, Hanna, for your generosity. The breakfast burrito was fabulous. And so was the ride in your very cool car!
One of the draw backs of stopping to visit grumblers, is they are all such nice people. I find myself liking them enough to want to stay around and get to know them better; like being friends for real, not just on the grumble or facebook. So was the case with Grumbler, Mikki, from Crossville, Tennessee. I wish I had more time to spend with her. There must be some common traits among most framers that make us compatible.
Mikki has one of the cutest frame shops I’ve seen. See her website here. Her shop is filled with many nice gift items and several framed pieces she designed which shows off her creative talent. I don’t know what happened to my brain while I was there; I left my camera in the car and never thought to get some pictures! I also can’t remember the name of Mikki’s friend who stopped in to say hello while I was there. Between the two of them and their Southern accents, I had a hard time NOT speaking with an accent myself. The urge was so strong! When I was about 7 years old my cousins from Savannah, Georgia came to live with us for a few months. I managed to pick up their accents and got teased for it at school! The accent felt natural to me.
Thanks Mikki, for taking the time out of your busy day to talk with me. If you ever want to sell that beautiful Chronomat mat cutter, call me first!
I am looking forward to visiting more grumblers in the Richmond and DC areas.
-Becky
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